i realised that as time passes even more quickly than before, and the workload starts piling. Its really a test of patience, whether you would be patient with yourself and with the people around. To chill and relax does not seem like an easy task anymore. With people around, i grow short tempered, for that i apologise. Bathing is such a normal and casual and everyday thing, that gradually it becomes some sort of ritual where i take time off to think through the day and through simple things, that were actually complex, the things i did, things i said, what i did wrong, what i should do. I thought about it, and yeah, i havent been me lately. Or perhaps this was the real me inside, but either way, i do not like this me. I like the more happy me, the hyper but not so 'ventilated' me, the calm collected me, the friendly me, the me who has something positive to say, the me who takes things smoothly and laugh along with everyone with her mistakes. And as time goes, i start losing people whom i can really talk to. No, families are another thing, but there are you carn tell them about. So its kept. Depression awaits. I dun like it, and im gonna change it. I do not know what everything is going to lead to, but if its good, follow on, if its bad, i'll take wuheva you throw at me.

Now the question is: if you could lead a good path, but for a price, and it aint somethig good, would you take that compared to the tougher route with everything falling straight through your head?

i start treasure the little things that make me smile uncontrollably. it starts with a twitch and than the lips widen, sometimes the teeth decides to show, depending. i start treasuring the things that allow me a geniune smile, one that my heart doesn't scream,'why are you smiling, smiling...' i start to treasure the things that make me laugh uncontrollably, the loud laughter that i rarely hear from me nowadays. its only times like that this that you treasure, those little things that made you smile and laugh. its a rare thing, and if you managed to, you are good. really good. excellent...