although i know that if by someone awfully unlucky chance someone this post is 'linked' to came by, i'll be hated and detested and loathed, i still carn help it but to write it. i dun think i could go on anymore. its a matter of days and this little girl carn take it anymore, let her go okay?

having been 'demoted', clearly i cannot judge anyone else anymore. its a little ironic actually. having been told/heard many times of my dis-ability, i was to lead. and teach and judge and force myself to get something which i clearly do not have. having been through much (scolding of ineffectiveness and fierceness and too much kindness, yes its contradictory, but dun ask me why ASK THEM), i've been demoted. i am not blaming anyone, its all my fault, but being so thick and so dumb and so ability-less and also prideful, i am sorry. but after all this, please do let me go.

i've come a long way. from scared and hateful year one-r, to scared and quiet, respectful of seniors, degrading myself below my peers year two-er, to having to take up the next post yet knowing there's someone out there more capable year three-r to full fledged year 4. I really cannot take it anymore. Those looks and those stares, i've bore them all and i've been affected. Tears and blood and sweat, thank you but i think im not willing to give more than a soul to this... whole thing.

Soul... its a powerful thing, you'll always be there, with them all, even though you are not physically there. Something happens, and you wretch the soul once. Many things happen and your soul get torn and shredded and toss aside, my life is taking a toll on this. Please let me go and live a life, soulness but at least free.

I know its selfish. I know that its unthinkable, but i have no choice. I am sad im unable to go the long ways... but blame me all on me, i know im to blame. im sorry.